REALLY?! FIGURES!

Talk about the Monday blues... I know, I know; it's Tuesday, but it's the first day back after a "long" wkend, which doesn't feel so long.   Why is it that on short work weeks it seems to drag and there seems to be SO much to get done?  I'm taking it as it comes.  I had several things to take care of today, and I did it.

I had my fourth visit of acupuncture today, and it went well.  By the end of the session I could feel my whole back on the table; that's HUGE! For the last 33 years when I lay on my back I only feel the left side of my body due to my curvature and twist.  It seems to be getting better, but it DOES bring some pain.  In the long run I know it's worth it, and hopefully I am doing the right thing.

Today my doctor presented me with the "game plan" for the next six months and what it's going to cost.  It's a pretty good game plan to my knowledge, but to come up with $3615.00 in one shot is a bit  tough right now.  That's with a discount since it's a prepay option.  The other option is pay as as I go or such and it comes out to about another $1400.00; ouch.  I'm redoing my GOFUNDME to help pay for THIS rather than my high deductible my insurance.

GAME PLAN: 

6 month treatment plan
2 visits per week for 16 weeks
1 visit per week for 8 weeks
6 re-exam to go over status and progress
3 Herbal Consultations
Herbs themselves - help my muscles, liver and kidney with their deficiency.
2 nutritional consultations

This is the FIRST thing in the last 33 years that seems to have helped QUITE A BIT and I am relieved of the pain.  I wish i qualified for some type of aid to help pay for this.  It really sucks that insurance doesn't pay for stuff like this; especially for people like myself who have to seek OTHER forms of medical since it's too costly for regular diagnostics and such.  I do not want a rod put in my back, but tethering I would possibly entertain the idea; it doesn't see AS crazy. 

I go back again this Thursday (in two days) and somehow need to make this happen.  I have a feeling I'm going to have to go with the pay as you go, and suck up some how pay the $4,644.00

We shall see.

..third time a charm or not?

Today I went in for my THIRD visit, and I'm really starting to feel the pain of internal organs trying to settle in their new spots.  Some are being pulled while other parts are being pushed.  I keep in mind that in the long run it's worth it, and this is the first time in 33 yrs I've felt RELIEF!  

This morning I woke up quite early; I was up by 4:45am, which is two hrs earlier than normal.  I did go to bed at 9:30p the night before because as soon as I felt a little tired I get straight to bed.  I typically cannot fall asleep that early or right away, but I felt my eyes get heavy, so I hit the hay.

During the day I had pretty good energy, but I times did feel exhausted.  I know after talking to the doctor after my third session that it's okay for me to hit the gym, and SLOWLY do some back work; nothing heavy.  I need to work up the muscles that are being made "weak".  I know it sounds weird that I'm working muscles that are being made weak, but I'm strengthening them.  

After my session the doctor invited me to his workshop/seminar on how to help yourself when in pain.  He gave us great advice on what we can do when we are under stress, back aches and such.  We got a handouts to show us what areas to hit for what conditions.  I will use these as aids for in between my session, and a regular basis.  

 I go back on Tuesday and then come up with a game plan with my doctor.  We shall discuss how regularlly I will get my session, and what herbs/nutrients I should try to help.  Over all I AM pleased with this experience.  I even made a friend today at the seminar.  We chatted a bit afterwards, and it was nice to be able to talk to someone who gets it.  Someone who understand chronic pain, and how it affects many facets in one's life. Sleep, work, body, emotionally, and spiritually.  My life has NEVER been easy, but I hope and pray that this is the road to my happiness and less pain for a good part of my life...

Let's do this again...

Monday I had my second session of acupuncture, and it went well. This time it did hurt a little bit, but I knew to endure it as it'll help me in the long run. My neck loosened up quite a bit, but today it's back to being stiff. I have the issue with my back where at times it feels week, but that constant pain has really lessened.  
I now need to incorporate gym session to strengthen up the weaker muscles; I do have to take it easy. I regularly feel pain as everything is being moved a bit internally. I had dinner a little bit ago, so now I'm in some pain.  
Tomorrow is my third session, and we shall see what the plan of action and cost will be. I'm really worried about that, but I guess that's what the credit card is for if I need to. If I can get this campaign kick it it'll avoid me having to do so. This is NOT covered by my insurance; even though it's a chronic issue I have.  
In all I'm VERY glad that I gave this a try. I do find myself having to hold my back straight, but I guess it's expected. 

...I'd rather just die...

     It's been three days since my acupuncture visit, and so far it's been quite interesting.  Thursday night I took a melatonin pill to help me sleep, and to see if my back would get better.  I kept waking up throughout the night, so I'd straighten my body as much as possibly. I still got pretty good sleep, and even woke up earlier than expected.  As soon as I woke up I felt my back to see if it felt straight at all, and it still seemed pretty decent.

   Friday night I had a wedding to attend of a close friend I've had since 4th grade, and my back help up for the most part.  There were many times were it felt a bit weak, so I didn't dance like crazy.  Typically I'd dance the night away and just enjoy myself; not this time.  

Saturday rolled around, and I decided to hit the gym a little and soak my back.  I started to get that extreme pain against my ribs.  I didn't realize it was going to rain, which is why I was in pain.  The pain was pretty bad; I even started to feel like I wanted to toss my cookies.  

Sunday I got up, and my back feels pretty decent.  I went and got a massage, because I felt my lower back that a bone around my backside was started to stick out from what I had done.  

I figure that between massage, acupuncture, and going to the gym should do me well if I keep along this route in the progression I am seeing thus far.  

( Oh!  so let me back track.  I went locally to a store that is like a boutique locally that is closing, and got chatting with two ladies there.  I find out that the one lady's grandchild has scoliosis as well, and also went to Alfred I. DuPont hospital.  She mentioned how the "child" got kicked out when he/she turned around 20.  I was stunned!....  I was told I could not go anymore, and I wasn't even 15 yet.  What gives?! That REALLY pisses me off, because I never got the care I should have as a child or teen with this condition. )

I am in pain as my organs are being pushed around, and something inside aren't used to being moved, so some are being pushed to a different area, while other are being pulled; ouchie!  Being forward is NOT comfortable at all, but I'll take it over lessened pain and better hip rotation.  I seem to have more energy as it's not being wasted on dealing with the pain; at least that's MY assessment.  I did take a small nap/rest today, because I could feel my back was tired.  

I understand that my back is NOT cured by any means, and it'll never look normal.  At least the pain is less, the curve seems less, and maybe they can do another type of surgery from allowing it to go back to what it was; we shall see what happens.  One of my biggest concerns right now is cost.  I am not sure if I am going to be able to afford this.  

Tomorrow is my second session, and that's the end of my GROUPON deal; two sessions.  I shall then discuss with the doctor, and see what the charge is per visit, and then for the nutrition/vitamin portion.    

Hopefully the GOFUNDME starts to pick up, and this is finally getting movement, and I would LIKE to keep it going.  I finally feel like I've been given yet another change at life.  Just within the last few weeks I've been in SO much pain that I've caught myself thinking to myself how I'd rather just die than deal with this pain every day.  Unless you have chronic pain you have no idea what I'm dealing with.  I feel so alone and abandoned when it comes to this.  I have no where to turn, and not sure what to do...  Hopefully what I'd doing is something that will work for MANY yrs. to come.  

This COULD be life changing for me...

AH-mazing relief!

I suffer from the dreadful scoliosis, and never had a true plan of action on how to take care of it since my surgery back in the early 80s.  Between the doctors not knowing how long I'd survive, and having young parents; I never had a true physical therapy.  

When I was a pre-teen I had started for a few weeks, but then it stopped due to cost and time.  Then I continued my life, and I tried again after I finished college, but my bills started to rack up quickly as my insurance misquoted my therapist.  

Now in my 30s I'm BACK at it.  I've even started a GOFUNDME account as  suggested by a friend to try and help offset the high cost of what I need to go through to FINALLY reach a level of comfort.  It's not going SO well as it won't go "public" until I hit $500.00, but I'm TRYING.  

Recently I contacted a place in Lancaster that deals with scoliosis.  They have a nonsurgical approved that is supposed to help if you don't have fusion and such; but I do.  I've contacted Dr. Stitzel and he suggested I get an MRI of my spine to rule out a few items.  I'd like to and plan to, but I need to research it well; again, cost.  

In the meantime I was on GROUPON looking for a massage deal since they usually help.  I saw a "deal" for acupuncture, and have heard it is great; so i thought I'd give it a try.  I bought the GROUPON, and same day called to make my appointment.  I got in within the week, which was today...  Let me tell you, I'm SO glad that I gave it a try.

Dr. Marco DiBonaventura loves what he does, and it shows.  He pretty quickly makes you feel comfortable, and enjoys when he sees results.  I went in not knowing what to expect or anything, but it went well.  The needles don't really hurt; it's was a slight sting.  It hurt more when I'd try to move and damn little needles are IN me and my muscles are trying to move/flex.  I was surprised to get poked in two toes, and then mid arm on each, and THAT helped my issues.  As I played there I could feel my stiff neck getting more loose as time went by.  My midsection/curvature was lessening, and I could tell as I had to adjust my cushion under my legs.  I was feeling more erect and had to adjust. hmmmm.  After an hour session we were done and I was on my way.  I left feeling a little "off", but it's expected.  My body is adjusting to what was just done.  When I sat in my vehicle I was to really adjust my rearview mirror, which tells me that my back is more erect than it was previously.  I REALLY had to adjust it.  It was ridiculous; I was in shock and near tears.  On my drive home I lean forward a bit and feel my back; no MAJOR curvature.  It was a lot straighter than I have ever felt it.  It's not correct and still off, but the major pain and major curve was highly lessened.  WOW!  Dr. D believes that my issues is not a bone issue, but a liver and kidney issue.  The muscles he worked on are minor muscles that are not getting the nutrients and hydration that it needs.  I will most likely be put on some regimen to help regulate the muscles so they don't keep contracting and causing this painful curve.

I am honestly very happy that I tried this. I have another session coming up on Monday unless I call to squeeze it in tomorrow.  Then I have a third a few days after.  We are tracking the progress and how I feel to determine if this is something that we can keep doing to help me.  

The part that worries me is the cost.  I don't know how much this is going to cost, and that scares me. Something besides massage that is even MORE effective than anything I've tried thus far, and there's a change I won't be able to do what I need to to just live an active normal lifestyle.  

I shall keep documenting my progress.  Please, if you have chronic pain and such try acupuncture and  the different options out there.  I took a chance, and who knows if this will change my life...

I hope and pray that this is something I can do.  I'm SO tired of the pain and issues. Even my breathing is better; my diaphragm doesn't feel so tight.  I can actually breath better than I normally can.

The Evolution of "Love".

Love.  What comes to mind?  What does it mean to YOU?  I've been thinking about this one and off for awhile, but as of late it's been really been hitting home on what LOVE means.
As a kid LOVE meant someone doing a nice gesture for you, and we thought that warm fuzzy nice feeling for LOVE.  The LOVE from the parent(s) that's always there for you, and who later on in life becomes your best friend.  As you get older the WHOREmones kick in, and what we think is LOVE is most likely LUST; or the hormones kicking in over-drive.

Then we age a little more and LOVE is the person that give us that attention that we seek.  The person that we find attractive.  We as humans seek that companionship of someone that "completes" us, and we cannot live without...  Well, I've hit the next step.

Love is great don't get me wrong, but I don't think we have ONE love in life.  I believe we have many, but it's that ONE that makes us want to get better ourselves, to work together so the BOTH of you can be a better as a whole; not just individually.  This whole, oh he/she completes me, and that's all I need; is complete bullshit.
You don't need someone to "complete" you; you are fine the way are, but I'm sure there are things you can work on; especially if you are one to bitch about something all the time, and don't put it the effort.  We are all human, and we all constantly change; we experience and feel things in life that change our views and perception of life.
The loss of a parent; now feeling abandoned...
The loss of a child; how could this happens, and where did I go wrong?
The loss of a pet; what it?  I couldn't afford it.....
It could be a medical emergency or an enlightenment that we experience that changes us...

BEEN THERE.

I've hit the age where I want to find someone LIKE me, but not me.  If I wanted to date me, I'd be single and enjoying my own company...

I would like:

someone who accepts me for my whacky-ness, and flaws, and it's those flaws that makes my 1/2 fall in love with me; each time I do it.

Someone that is there to push me when I'm down....  and I push them right back...

Someone that is there 110% when I'm ill and need the help.  There should be no task that should be turned down...

Someone that shares some common goals in life, and doesn't settle because one of us "has" to or just does..  It's about compromise and working together.

Someone that sees me dancing while putting away the laundry, and we break out into a dance party or roots me on...

Someone that appreciates the hopeless romantic I am, and sappy guy I can be.

Someone that will grow old with me, and when they look at me sees the love and history we have had together.  Each wrinkle a year that has done by, and each laugh line a reminder of the laughter and good times we've had...

Someone that can open up to me emotionally, and sexually.  It's all about talking and communication...  Try something new; SEXplore. It's worth trying at LEAST once.

Someone who will help discipline the kids as I most likely would be the "bad cop".

Someone that is passionate about something in their life...  A career, a hobby; anything...

Someone that doesn't throw the past and lessons I've learned from in my face later on down the line; we ALL mess up and do stupid things, it's how we learn...

..I know that I can be stubborn, but the someONE I marry will understand why...  My past and life hasn't been the easiest, and I've had to FIGHT and struggle; SINCE BIRTH.  If it wasn't for me having a go-get-it attitude, I would NOT be here today.  It's not going to change; I will die fighting, and I'm o'kay with that.  After the cancer issues I've accepted death, and have left it in the hand's of a higher power.  It's MY past and my story that has toughen me, but also showed me to value, honor, and respect what I have in my life...

Too many people stay in relationships because they are scared of the unknown; that's NOT good.  First of all, COMMUNICATE; it's KEY.  If you know you are truly not happy; it's o'kay to take time for yourself and find YOU.  You must love yourself before you can worry about another person and children.  
People stay in relationships because they are comfortable, or don't know how to leave.  Seek help from a relative or loved one.  If you need to talk to someone seek a good honest chat with a psychologist; there is NOTHING wrong with that.  There are lot of people who see a life coach often to just be able to talk and get it out; it works.
Young parents stay together because of the kids; the mother and father will always be the mother and father... a child would prefer their parents come from TWO HAPPY ones than one broken one...  


Love.  It's complicated, but possible.  Find YOU. Be YOU.

-Los